Death, Taxes, and the Poison Pen

Don’t write when you’re tired. Don’t write when you’re upset. Don’t write when you’ll regret what you said later.

I’m all of those things.

• September 11th makes us all sad.
• Business taxes are due Thursday and the headache is unbelievable this year w/ Flat Classroom, Cool Cat Teacher and my old hosting business.
• The Flat Classroom book is so close and in final copy editing mode but a last minute glitch with some important graphics has me ready to jump.
• I haven’t been still or really rested in days.

I’m tired. More than tired.

Last night, my son’s football team which has been blessed to win 15 straight games (state champs last year) won 43-0. There was a poor boy on the other team who was so tired and played the whole game. He kept falling to his knees after every play gasping for air and then he’d pull up again to go play again. He didn’t quit but I kept pointing him out to my husband but inwardly I admired his tenacity. He didn’t quit and he was an important part of his team, even though last night they had a tough fight.

Right now I feel like that boy.

But I know this. The feeling of hopeless exhaustion won’t last forever. I felt that just before I had each of my children. They almost killed me — especially my daughter – all 10 pounds 3 ounces of her (she’s now 6’1″.) I felt like I couldn’t do it. Like it would kill me. Like I couldn’t make it one more minute.

The biggest pain comes just before the last push.

The biggest scream before the greatest accomplishments are born.

The toughest roads are up mountains.

I take comfort in the thought of Winston Churchill bunkered underground during World War 2 telling the people of the world:

“Never, never, never, give up.”

It is on my fridge on a magnet.

As I pour a glass of milk I lean my check on the freezer door soaking in the coolness and contemplating these things.

“Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life.”

I’m called here. I’m doing what I’m called to do by One who loves me. All is not lost. Hope is not gone.

Joy comes in the morning.

Night y’all.